We tend to form friendships with people who resemble us, or at least with individuals who share our values and worldview.
We create a tribe, feeling a sense of belonging that is reassuring. We can be ourselves and share life's moments with simplicity and joy.
However, in this context, when we discuss a subject, when we debate, we create what Jason Estes calls an 'echo chamber.' Since we tend to converse with people who are similar to us, we end up echoing very similar opinions, reinforcing our worldview: we find ourselves in a reverberation chamber.
It's nice to see that people share our worldview, but in this context, there's no openness, expansion, or evolution.
That's where the gift lies when we encounter someone who disagrees with us. If we manage to keep the discussion open and maintain a genuine curiosity to understand what makes the other person think differently, then we have the opportunity to challenge our beliefs, our ideas, our worldview, and to grow, to gain wisdom.
Understanding and accepting does not mean agreeing. We can then evolve, realize that there is something beyond the bubble we created, and take what resonates with us from the other person's discourse and adjust our beliefs and opinions.
Each encounter is an opportunity to broaden our perspective, to learn to think differently, to enrich ourselves, to expand our understanding.
Then there are discussions that deeply touch us, that trigger an emotional reaction within us. We are outraged, we get angry. There is a rupture and an impossibility to maintain the dialogue.
We then fall into judgment and rejection.
If we can become aware that at that moment it's one of our unresolved wounds that is being touched, it's a real gift to explore what has been awakened in us and to resolve what needs to be resolved.
An exercise I like to do from time to time, when I have the mental space to be touched and manage my emotional reaction, is to watch videos of people with whom I completely disagree. Let me tell you, it's a challenging exercise!
You can do it with controversial personalities, politicians, or anyone who leaves you baffled because their discourse is the opposite of what you think and your values.
The goal is to understand and accept their opinion, nothing more. Because once we understand where their values come from, we can much more easily say "oh, okay, that's not what I believe but okay" instead of getting angry and thinking they're a complete idiot.
Everything is subject to division currently, everything is subject to opposition.
On the contrary, now is the time when we most need to learn to live together.
We don't agree at all? Okay, we can talk about it to try to understand each other, without either of us needing to change our minds. We can also talk about something else. But connection is possible.
What helps to take a step back is to realize that our viewpoints depend on where we grew up, what we experienced, what we didn't experience, our education, our environment. If we had grown up in a different family, we would have different beliefs. So we can let go of the arrogance of thinking that our worldview is THE worldview that everyone should adopt.
And it's liberating. It allows us to be more at peace, within ourselves and with others.
Has a meeting ever allowed you to question certain limiting beliefs you had?
