Writing a letter you'll never send 📝

Following my post "complaining, a tool for growth", I want to share a method that has greatly helped me on my personal journey.

We all carry buried emotions, resentment, anger, sadness, judgment, towards people we've experienced things with.

Sometimes these feelings are hidden in our subconscious, but we can sense unresolved issues, chapters we can't seem to close, or simply an inability to grasp why we feel a certain way.

Writing a letter addressed to the person in question, with no intention of sending it, allows us to meet what’s present within us, to bring to light what’s at play inside of us.

⛔️ The trap: politeness, shame, self-censorship

I realized that even when I knew I wouldn’t send these letters, I still remained kind, compassionate, and understanding toward the other person.

Well yes, that's who I am, it's natural for me to see things from the other’s perspective and understand them.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about the parts of me that were hurt by this person and still carry that burden.

There was also most probably a sense of shame in acknowledging these feelings, or recognizing that I carried them inside me. It’s not easy to confront the anger, even hatred, that we carry within us.

But this shame and self-censorship prevent us from truly getting to the heart of the matter and finding the key we need.

So, we go ALL IN! 🔥
No censorship, we write horrible things, extremely hurtful accusations, insults, we let loose, we let it ALL out.

And most important, we write everything automatically, without analyzing or judging ourselves, we write everything that comes, and as it comes.

First, this allows the parts of us that never had a voice to finally express what they’ve been carrying. These parts will finally feel seen, heard, and il will pacify them. Trust me, we all have wounded parts holding on to a lot! [In French I wrote the saying: we all have wounded parts that have a lot on the potato!] 😁

Next, it helps us pinpoint exactly what we’ve been carrying inside, the source of those buried, "stuck" emotions. It’s not always pleasant or fun, but if we want to free ourselves from it, we have to meet it.

While talking about these letters that we don't send, Jason Estes recommended circling repeated words or things. This is an amazing complementary tool to shed light on the root of the wound or what’s keeping us from processing, forgiving, or moving on.

I’ve sometimes been surprised by what surfaced in this process. Circling repetitions helped me see things I wouldn’t have noticed by simply rereading what I wrote, and the realizations that followed were real keys in my personal journey.

I can only recommend you give it a try! ❤️

For more sensitive issues, or if you feel the need, you can be supported to help pacify and reintegrate these wounded parts. It can be done gently and fairly quickly when we know how to navigate to directly meet them. It's a precious art, and one I’m most passionate about sharing with the world in my healing sessions.