A person gave me the direction of their constant stress and during the session, a part of her presented itself. Right away, I recognized the frequencies of sexual abuse.
I asked the person if she had experienced physical violence, and she replied đ ââïž "no, no, nothing like that, but ever since you asked, Iâve had a tight feeling in my throat, so there must be something there".
I indicated to her that I perceived something akin to sexual abuse.
She thought for a moment and told me no, she had never experienced sexual abuse, there was really nothing, but nonetheless, something came to mind.
She insisted: it wasnât sexual abuse... but thatâs all that came to her, so she shared the story.
đŹ At a party, someone put something in her drink, GHB, based on the effects. She remained fully conscious throughout, so she didnât experience the amnesic effect of the drug, but she did experience the sedative effect and "loss of consciousness" in the sense that she was no longer in control of herself. This drug induces a state of total submission, making one open to any suggestion without any control.
She went home accompanied by a man, "charming" she said, and had sexual intercourse with him.
She repeated to me that, indeed, she was not in control of herself, so she would have done anything, but she was fully aware of everything happening ⥠it wasnât rape.
This was the part of her that presented itself:
đââïž The loss of control over herself and the sexual act in such a vulnerable state created panic within her (even though she didnât feel it because she was completely anesthetized by the drugâs effects).
This part of her had fragmented and didnât want to return to her body, as it felt the body had been dirtied, sullied. It was constantly sending its state of panic in the background to the person.
đž I helped this part let go of the memories of losing consciousness, of no longer being in control of herself, of the sensation of sexual abuse, the fear, and stress of that experience, and to gently return to the body at its own pace.
Sometimes we experience violent events, and not being fully aware of what we lived through is a way of protecting ourselves.
I wrote a post: minimizing to save oneself
And this experience is a perfect example.
In this case, there was no consent and a total inability to act.
We can judge for ourselves, sexual abuse or not.
In debates about judging the act itself, you can find the attempts to escape and deny reality that help protect oneself from what would be too violent to endure, whether youâve lived through it yourself or witnessed it. For example, reading this post, one might think "that man seemed charming, and maybe he didnât know she was drugged".
Yes, maybe, but just because there was no intention to abuse doesnât mean abuse didnât happen.
Consent is a very delicate subject. In this case, thereâs no doubt, she was drugged and unable to act. But how many people find themselves psychologically unable to act?
Until one has experienced the state of shock, which paralyzes you, blocks your ability to form thoughts, and therefore to react, one cannot understand.
â An initial abuse ingrains an inability to act: deep down, we integrate that we cannot say no, and the next time, the state of shock is triggered, we automatically submit, and we experience another abuse.
Sometimes a man doesnât rape a woman, but that woman has experienced rape.
Iâve digressed on this topic, which I find very important, but the message of this post is simply to say, there are:
⥠Denials we don't suspect
⥠Violences weâve lived through that we donât consider as violence
These can be found in childhood and in all areas of life.
When we see someone being mistreated and think "oh, theyâll be fine, they didnât die from it" itâs often a sign of this "minimizing to survive" mechanism that we project onto others because itâs ingrained in us.
đ And when there is denial, there is also denial about being in denial.
PS: These anonymous shares are approved by the persons.